Great expectations, an interpretation

Friends and family mean a lot to me.

But sometimes I take myself too seriously. And it does not help that I also have a big and bloated ego. A combination, that at times, works against my relationship with the same set of people, who I hold so dear.

The last time I had high fever, I had come up with some complex algorithm to measure and control/manage a person's expectation. Somehow I had made the connection between high expectation and a false sense of self which leads to distorted reality and a life where you are afraid to look into the mirror.

The question that stayed with me however was, is the conscious part of my brain even remotely aware of the difference between the real and the image of myself?

(I call these my high-fever-rmoments, and in general the next morning I can never quite make sense of the same thoughts, which the night before had felt like life changing epiphanies.)

In any case, the reason I wrote this long winding introduction to my manic behaviour, was not to bring to notice my Freudian slip while renaming my blog to 'Life is an iceberg' (refer to Freud's Iceberg theory of Id, ego and super-ego), but really to make an attempt to describe my trip to Kolkata and Sundarbans in February this year.

At this point, I must warn those who are after a chic travel story, that this is not. This is a post about what the trip was meant to be in my head, and what it really was.

For the longest time, I have been a person without a home. And absolutely no sense of belonging. For those who know me, you will know that when asked where I am from, I go through the most uncomfortable few minutes trying to come up with something that would make sense, is witty, remotely true, but nothing simple and straight-forward. I have even tried rehearsing an answer for these kind of situations. Since I moved to the UK, the answer has automatically simplified itself to 'India'. But I struggle to say it loud and clear, since I don't believe it.

It is not untrue of course, I was born in Kolkata, India and lived there for a good few years before moving with my family to Mumbai and eventually to Nashik. And there are certain memories, and a few things from my birth-city, that I remember and have idolised in my head over the years.

Most of these memories are centred around my grandparents house. As a child, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents (especially with dida (grandma)). It just so happens that the female folk of my family from my grandparents generation (both maternal and paternal grandmothers and their sisters) have been such strong and influential characters that a good part of my adolescent years I just wanted to be like them.

And as an adult I felt like I have let them down somehow - I am nowhere as much of a freethinking, independent, fearless and creative person as they were and in a time far less conducive to free thinking women. Someday I will find the courage to write each of their stories individually. But for now, let me simply relay my much more mediocre experience.

When Dida died, I went into denial. I did not want to visit Kolkata ever again, because it would make it real. (I don't even like mentioning this in a post and just spent ages on this line, deleting and re-writing it.) Another reason was also the fear that the nearest thing to what I could call a home, will not be anything like the memories in my head. The green windows will not stand out, the fuchkas will not taste as good, the people will not be smoking cigarettes in a small coffee shop debating the country's future. I have been writing a collection of poems called 'In search of home' for quite some time now, which is still unfinished, and maybe in my head I thought I will write the final chapter when I finally visit Kolkata.

None of these things happened. I was very ill when I reached Kolkata. (I fall sick a lot these days, any change of weather simply kills my immune system for some odd reason.) Sundarbans, though not a place I had been to as a child, was beautiful. We were on a boat for three days, looking for tigers. Sundarbans is one of the tiger reserves in India - and this meant that people visiting, ignore all the other wild life that they do see there, and keep looking out for the elusive tiger. We did too, and the closest to tiger that we saw were some tiger-pug marks, nothing more.

But I was fine with that. It reinstated the joy of a quest and a journey, over mere achievements. And to me that is a far more fulfilling feeling to take back with me.

And my birth-city, well it took a while for it to evoke emotions in me. Being sick meant that I could not enjoy the food that much, although I still ate a lot of fuchkas and absolutely loved it.

I may have a messed up sense of reality and I know that I look at life through a distorted lens, but I think there are indeed little dots of absolutes hidden within the relative versions of this universe, and the Kokata fuchka may just be one of them.

Facing the faceless opponent

There were quite a few thoughts passing through my mind for the past few days, and I was wondering if I want to write about them at all. There has been a lot of Facebook updates, posts, news articles, rants, demands, speculations about the position of women in India, her safety, her existence, her dignity - triggered mainly by the recent rape case in Delhi. (Note that this is not the first or the worst of heinous incidents to have happened in India, yet for whatever reasons if this incident actually manages to kick start and sustain an awakening within the Indian hearts, then I am glad for that.)

Last year, around the same time, I was walking freely on the streets of Delhi by myself. Before I landed there, I remember my parents telling me to take extra care, because it is Delhi, and it is not safe. I myself was mildly scarred by an experience as a child. While travelling in a bus in Delhi, I recall a man standing next to me and trying to push himself onto me, while I was sitting and trying my best to veer away from him. Not a pleasant memory to carry with you at the age of 11 or 12.

However, when I came to Delhi this time round, after many years, and travelled in the metro, I was delighted and did not hesitate twice about moving about freely. And why not, I thought, I travel all over the world on my own. I don't get scared to walk alone on the streets of a foreign country, then why indeed should I feel scared walking on the streets of my own country? But this really shows how detached from reality I am. We tend to take our own life experiences and believe them as the truth. And this also means that we are still lacking in awareness. Many of us (the more privileged section of the society) may never fully understand the gravity of the problems that are lurking on our streets. And this means we are not prepared for a day when we are taken by surprise. And more importantly we are not prepared to fight the battle, which needs to be fought to actually make our society a safe place to live in.

While many people are asking for stricter laws and penalties against crimes like rape and molestation, somehow I can't help feeling that the degree of punishment is not the only way of attacking this problem. According to this news article, it says that out of 635 rape cases reported in Delhi in 2012, only 1 was convicted. And this is considering only the cases which were reported. Because I am sure there were several others which were not. How is giving capital punishment to the 'one' convicted criminal stopping the 634+ others? If this data is anywhere near the true figures, then there is only approximately 1/1000th of a chance of a rapist getting convicted. Is he really going to be scared of what punishment he may get if and when he is caught? I have a feeling most people who behave in this manner are not really thinking about consequences at all. What is it then that drive such behaviour? What is the root cause? And how can we attack the core of this problem?

Some points which come to my mind are:

1. Very low standard of living.
Poverty forces man to take jobs which no one wants to do. Imagine doing an extremely shitty job for 12 hours a day, getting paid like shit, and being treated like shit. How does he cope? He takes to cheap alcohol to get past each day, beats up wife to channel his frustrations onto the one person he believes is weaker than him. Such a person is looking for opportunities to take revenge of his own personal oppression over anyone he deems weaker than himself. How do we fight an opponent who has nothing to lose?
(Note: I cannot at this point ignore the polar opposites, the very rich and powerful people and their sons who  don't think any law and order can get to them at all. These are the people who have so much that they are also not afraid of losing anything!)

2. Age old traditions.
India being a male dominated society, there is always an excuse for discrimination against women. How will you argue with the head priest of a temple and convince him that what his 'god' told him about a woman's place in society is bull shit?? The head priest may not be a rapist himself, but he is encouraging an attitude among people (women included) which slots women into a particular role and makes her the weaker sex. How do we fight an opponent who has god on his side?

3. Bollywood item numbers.
This may or may not be a significant contributor, yet considering that Bollywood has a big influence on average Indian population, I cannot help wondering if somehow our casual attitude towards objectifying women in daily life and entertainment is somehow giving rise to something more evil than what we intended. For the past few years item songs and dances are no longer situational or realistic but more box office revenue generating additions, lapped up by general public. The catchy tunes and vulgar lyrics have made many of our feet tap (mine included), but now I am beginning to wonder if this in-sensitiveness is in fact contrary to what we are striving to achieve in our daily life. How do we fight our own urge to dance to 'Munni', 'Sheila' and 'Chameli' and deny ourselves the cheap pleasure we obtained from these numbers?

I know there are plenty other root causes, and I hope more informed and educated people are involved in studying and making policies against crimes like rape, oppression and abuse. I also hope that we don't all stop at  liking, sharing and updating our social network statuses but take at least one additional step towards recognising the evil we are facing and coming up with a concrete resolution of action in support. As usual I still think that education is the underlying, long term solution but in the short term we are left with many faceless opponents like poverty, traditions, corruption and of course our own personal attitude. We can and should make demands from the Government to take our ideas and concerns seriously but I don't think any external body on its own can come and save us from a mess which has been carelessly caused by each one of us.

And here like always I leave you all to ask your own questions, to make a difference in your own way and above all, as a new year plea (not resolution) I want to ask myself to not get so busy living an empty shell of a life that I forget to look around, feel and care.

Random train of thoughts

Having bypassed my pre planned Mumbai halt, I am now in Nashik with my family.  I had wanted to take the overnight train from Delhi to Mumbai initially. The whole experience of sitting in a train, and passing by many states and different sceneries in a single journey always excited me. Apart from that, the thought of building a temporary mini home for yourself within the single seat that is allotted to you is also exciting. The seat is then converted into a bedroom at night. But it is a slightly more interesting bedroom than the one back home. In the sense that you get to peep into random people's temporary homes, even see them get ready for bed and finally fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of the train.  I usually feel this rhythm for a few hours even after the journey is over and I am back in a static place.

The fact that you can observe people so closely for the entire period of the journey is one of the highlights of such a journey for me. In rare cases of course the observed party may not be all that interesting, and then you just have to make do with the book you are reading, the music in your ears and the scenery passing you by... but in some cases the co-passenger is a good looking intriguing guy, or a silent professor looking middle aged man, or a flamboyant teenage girl or a foreign couple smuggling a little puppy with them unofficially.

Train meals are also very interesting. Usually if the train has a catering service your order is taken in advance and you are served at a certain time. The train compartment now gets converted into an eating room and if you happen to have a family with lots of home made food with them, you even get offered some delicacies.
Waking up in the morning also means a fresh order of breakfast. Apart from train catering service there are also random hawkers on the train who serve a special variety of train-street-food. This brand of street food can only be had in trains or sometimes in stations but nowhere else. Thus eating, drinking and even playing games with fellow passengers is an inclusive part of train ride and as a child I have enjoyed these journeys to the fullest.

Why then can I not find time to take up such a journey now?
I am told people these days prefer to travel by flight. ( I myself took the flight from Delhi to Mumbai because I wasn't keeping too well the last week I was in Delhi). Most people don't have the time to feel the relaxed pace of a train journey these days. Trains are now the second option, and only people who cannot afford flights take them. I had initially started off writing about the many people I met in this trip who kept telling me they are so busy and they just didn't have the time. But all I could really think about are the memories of different train journeys from my childhood and I have to resolve to take effort to make this journey happen in future.

UPDATE: I did it!! Overnight train journey from Mumbai to Goa 2nd class. Awesome!! Try it to believe it!

scribbles: Census - See it now?

In a parallel universe, my better half has been working on the visualisation of Indian census data. Do take a look here. The work is not complete, but getting there!

scribbles: Census - See it now?

Diversity yes, but where's the unity?

From childhood I have heard greatness about India's diversity. Whether it be cultural, regional, geographical, religious or even of languages. It was always emphasised how different we are from each other within the same country. We were made to feel proud about our diverse nature and the feeling of being different was instilled so deep within us that we always became a Bengali, Marathi, Keralite etc. before an Indian. In fact the difference became all the more evident when I left my country and went abroad. I started realising that Germans flocked with Germans, French with French but Indians usually subdivided and South Indians flocked together, Marathis searched for Marathi community and even my parents asked me if I had found any Bengali association in the UK. The reason too was understandable. When I communicated with fellow Indians from parts of India I was unfamiliar with, I really could not relate much to them. It actually felt like we didn't really come from the same country. Regional differences aside, the class difference itself is so stark and prevalent in our country, that a person from lower middle class would have had completely different experiences in life compared to a person belonging to upper middle class (and I am not even comparing rich with the poor here!)

At this point the question arises where is the unity in all this diversity? My school text book always had a quotation on "Unity in Diversity". This is India's biggest moto. Then why don't I see signs of this unity anywhere? Why do so many states want their kingdom separate from India? Why do the North Indians and South Indians not get along? Why do people seek marriage alliances within their own community, culture, caste? The reservation system only pronounces the difference and inequality of certain sects of our society. Although it is aimed at equality, I don't see why an open category student would feel equal to a reserved category student?

India has such a huge population, collectively and as a team we can do wonders. However most of us are quite literally wasting our lives fighting this diversity. Right from getting admission into school/college and then later getting parents to approve our out of caste/community love interest and in successful cases living with the  sky high expectation of a culture we are unaware of.

Personally I think each of us consciously need to take steps to build this missing unity in diversity. Without a feeling of nationalism, we cannot really fight bigger battles of corruption, illiteracy and poverty. And for this I do agree social networks have indeed built a common platform where people from all over the world and country can share and react to different incidents in their day to day life. But I don't think this is enough. There has to be a change in attitude as well. There should be encouragement for people to leave their own home towns and travel to different parts of the country. Meet people from different places. Live in different environments. It is time we take definite steps towards being a citizen of the country before being regional.

Friends, Indians, Citizens

Lend me your ear.

I have come to your country
your home, your pride,
show me around,
do let me stay.

I see new buildings, new roads,
new malls, but I can't see too well
the smog covers your achievement
a fuzzy blanket of grey.

I see you are rich,
the old Maruti 800
exchanged for a loan,
a Honda city with driver and of course
a brand new three BHK.

I see you eat in posh restaurants
if you can steal yourself
away, from the flat panel LCD TV
reporting live stories of corruption
but you aren't affected anyway.

And why would you be?
You have worked hard to get here
coding, managing, producing, investing or
perhaps bribing, lying, tax evading
it's hard work all the same.

Friends, Indians, Citizens
Lend me your heart.

I am convinced your nation is growing,
and all of you brave hearts,
competing in this race.
But do you see a finish line,
do you see the end?

Do you feel the pressure
you exert on your children?
For every inflated crore you earn
for tuition classes and college admissions
the young one will have to pay.

And how will they return your investment
your emotions and your expectations?
How will they choose to be individuals
and fall in love, and write their own future
how will they ever innovate?

You tell me it's the society,
the corrupt government and wicked politicians
you tell me it is practical, this lifestyle
you have chosen, to save yourself
from this evil age.

Friends, Indians, Citizens
Get rid of your fear.

You don't have to live like robots
programmed not to think
You are your society, not the society you
so why take orders from
someone else?

Exercise those unused rights, the muscles
and your mind, think what you believe in
fight for the cause, take risks
stand tall, be firm, demand explanation
and be true to yourself.

Know this, when you start your movement
and set an example, others will follow
slowly at first, but later in numbers.
Be a leader, be the change and
use your fancy degree in MBA.

Friends, Indians, Citizens,
If you betray yourself, your country will fall one day.

Women and technology

I was reading up a bit tonight before I go to the FAT organisation tomorrow. Few different points were raised in the transcripts that I was going through.

• Actual use of technology as opposed to intended use - can/should this be checked?
• Penetration of internet in India is only 8%, which is very very low especially for a country which basks in the fame of being an IT country. Lot more scope for Indians to conquer the world (so to speak)
• Internet democracy - freedom of speech and choice.
• Policies which are supporting the cause of empowering and educating women.

Few other points, which I did not read there, but was thinking about myself

• Exposure to other kinds of technology, not just internet technology
• Concentrating on need based education, and making women more eligible to get jobs
• Spread confidence, not just the knowledge
• Discussions on subjects like sex, marriage, children, ego, independence, exploitation, torture etc.

I hope I have a more fruitful discussion about these points tomorrow, and can elaborate about them here.

Capitalising on opportunities

So I have reached Delhi, the capital city of India. The experience so far has been excellent though I am so jet lagged after the 9 hours of flight time, during which I was not able to sleep a wink.
Apart from the two great friends that I have in this city, I was also greeted by the grand new international airport, which looks truly international as well as the spanking new metro (underground) service with air con (imagine the most pollution free, cooling ride through the heart of the city without having to hear the incessant honking and reaching your destination in precision timing!). I also managed to taste a little bit of street food (though I am taking that aspect a bit slow for obvious reasons :) as well as walk down the colourful streets of Connaught Place, Janpath which as people from the city will confirm is one of the liveliest streets of the Capital.


There is just so much to absorb and learn just by throwing yourself in a completely new environment!

On a side note, I am looking forward to meeting up with the team in FAT organisation on Monday. Let's hope all goes well for me on that end.

We, the heroes

Super heroes don't just talk about improving their cities nor do they give fancy speeches in public halls. They don't advertise their thoughts and reasons for what they do, they simply inspire us by their actions (and of course their cool costume).
If I were a super hero, this blog would merely be my costume. The real inspiration however comes from physical actions. And so I thought I need to do something.

I will be going to India for two months, and my prime objective there is to gain some first hand experiences, volunteer through some organisations who are already in the field and to come back with more stories and thoughts which I can add here.

I believe each of us have a super power but we need to search for our own gifts. It may or may not be so obvious. And once we discover our power, we may need to design our own costume as well. I just hope when the time comes, we don't get too bogged down with the costume, and can still concentrate on saving the world and thus ourselves.

Changes to the Existing Education system: some ideas

I had posted this article quite some time back on a different blog where I contribute articles occasionally. But I am adding the link here so that it can remain in my catalogue of thoughts on the current education system.

Click here to read the post.

To summarise I have asked for two additional subjects
India today - Current affairs and discussions on different topics
Innovation - To promote independent thinking and thinking out of the box

In general I wanted to make learning fun, more intuitive and less parrot like in nature.

To all this I would like to add another compulsory subject in schools.
Education and teaching - I know this is an applied subject and that we rarely learn any applied subjects in school, but I think this one can be an exception. There is a dearth of good teachers in our country. And one of the reasons for that is teaching as a profession is hardly made popular. this will ensure that children appreciate the job of a teacher from a young age.
Another reason is it will keep all the teachers refreshed with the basics as well new techniques of teaching.
A subject like this will introduce fundamentals of psychology, philosophy and communication to the children at a younger age.

Technology Vs Teachers

Technology plays a big role in today's education. Easy availability of computers and accessibility and affordability of internet connection means that an unlimited quantity of information on an unlimited number of topics is available for free at our finger tips. People have wondered if there is any need for teachers at all any more?
I saw this innovative approach used by Sugata Mitra here, and it made me think.

The large amount of information on the internet is similar to the huge amount of products and shops which are available within the real world. Just like people flock towards the product/shop with the most glossy look or in other words the product that is advertised more and made more visible, similarly within the virtual world some applications, or websites are advertised better and made more visible and hence they are the most popular. Using the model of learning using the internet, one cannot guarantee that the students will open the right sites and go about the process of learning in a systematic way. I therefore think it is very important that there are teachers who can push the students in the right direction. Giving assignments or open ended questions on different topics and asking them to do a research maybe one way of doing this.

Also there is so much information on the internet, but there is no obvious way of making sure of the correctness and validity of the data. Teachers are therefore required so that students can come and verify their findings, understand its context, and discuss its application for the problem at hand.

I also feel that the maximum impact of the internet based learning can be seen on the young minds in remote villages and rural areas just because good teachers don't want to go there, and these children are so unaware and unexposed to the rest of the world that exposure in any form is better than none. But unfortunately remote villages also mean that they may not have internet connection or even electricity to run computers. What can be done in this case? How do we solve this problem?

One idea I had was the introduction of compulsory community service for a fixed period for city schools/colleges. There are countries around the world where compulsory military service is required by everyone. Why can't we have something similar in India. Make students from secondary or high school (maybe in 9th std and 11th std) go to nearby rural areas and conduct workshops under the guidance of their teachers. The state government / local governing body can distribute the responsibility to all the schools and colleges of that area. The school that shows the best results could be rewarded.

So far I am sticking with the following equations

Technology + Good teachers = Best education

But in the absence of good teachers, technology + helping hand from other privileged sector of society =  Decent education

Lesson 1 - Origin

I had read these lines when I was in school and they never left my mind.

"Men must be taught

As if you taught them not

And things unknown

Proposed as things forgot"
                      - Alexander Pope (from "An essay on criticism")

I have forgotten about them for many months at times, but have always found reasons to come back to them. I want to use this blog as a space for jotting down my thoughts on alternate learning and teaching methods. I want to try and collect data and conduct experiments to support or refute these lines. A big motivation for doing this task is because I come from a society which is severely facing the problems of:

Illiteracy

Sub-standard quality of education

Rote learning

Cut throat competition

Lack of all round development of a child

I will try and write down ideas here which I think can make an effort of solving these problems