I have always been of the opinion that mistakes play a big part in teaching us important things in life for real and for ever. However I recently realised having this opinion does not necessarily make me better at handling my own mistakes.
One silly incident from my childhood comes to mind. I remember once getting 98/100 in a subject in school. I was relatively happy since I had topped the subject in my class. However when I came home and joyously informed my parents about it, the first thing my dad asked me was 'Where did you lose the 2 marks?' I was immediately ashamed, angry and sad all at once. I could not quite fathom why the bigger number 98 did not matter to him? Why was I being asked about the 2 marks that I lost? Why were we discussing my mistake and not my achievement?
I guess I know the answer to that now. This is how it is in real life. If the expectation is of 100 then anything less than that is a failure. But is it realistic to expect 100? Maybe not. But for many of us, our mind has been trained since childhood to aim for 100. And sometimes this training from childhood surpasses any logical reasoning of reality and makes us over react to our mistakes. Instead of dealing with them like they are a stepping stone to a greater understanding, we punish ourselves for slipping.
I am writing these thoughts here, because I think it is important that we teach our children and ourselves the importance of making mistakes, being able to accept them and finally dealing with them. While it is good to discuss and analyse what went wrong and why, I also think it is important to not make a child/person feel so scared of making a mistake that he/she is too scared to step outside his/her comfort zone and take on new risks and challenges. Excessive fear of making mistakes can make us dull, overly cautious and close minded. Also sometimes the mistakes we make drive us towards alternate solutions and fuel our creativity.
However, as we grow up, the consequences and repercussions of each mistake gets bigger (sometimes in reality and sometimes simply in our heads). And really it is the attitude that we develop as a child which helps us get through some of our difficult phases in adulthood and keep a sense of balance in our lives.
Like in my case, I feel I should have learnt a bit more about perspective and big picture and not let every little 'up' and 'down' swing me one way or the other so drastically. I still think it is right to aspire for a 100, but maybe have a better understanding of what '100' means to me rather than to absolutely everyone around me.
In fact, thinking about it now, considering I am in the business of minimizing error (Control systems), theoretically I know exactly what I should be doing. Decrease sensitivity towards noise, learn from previous mistake (feedback) and concentrate on getting to set point as fast as possible. How I translate that in real life is of course the real problem to solve!
One silly incident from my childhood comes to mind. I remember once getting 98/100 in a subject in school. I was relatively happy since I had topped the subject in my class. However when I came home and joyously informed my parents about it, the first thing my dad asked me was 'Where did you lose the 2 marks?' I was immediately ashamed, angry and sad all at once. I could not quite fathom why the bigger number 98 did not matter to him? Why was I being asked about the 2 marks that I lost? Why were we discussing my mistake and not my achievement?
I guess I know the answer to that now. This is how it is in real life. If the expectation is of 100 then anything less than that is a failure. But is it realistic to expect 100? Maybe not. But for many of us, our mind has been trained since childhood to aim for 100. And sometimes this training from childhood surpasses any logical reasoning of reality and makes us over react to our mistakes. Instead of dealing with them like they are a stepping stone to a greater understanding, we punish ourselves for slipping.
I am writing these thoughts here, because I think it is important that we teach our children and ourselves the importance of making mistakes, being able to accept them and finally dealing with them. While it is good to discuss and analyse what went wrong and why, I also think it is important to not make a child/person feel so scared of making a mistake that he/she is too scared to step outside his/her comfort zone and take on new risks and challenges. Excessive fear of making mistakes can make us dull, overly cautious and close minded. Also sometimes the mistakes we make drive us towards alternate solutions and fuel our creativity.
However, as we grow up, the consequences and repercussions of each mistake gets bigger (sometimes in reality and sometimes simply in our heads). And really it is the attitude that we develop as a child which helps us get through some of our difficult phases in adulthood and keep a sense of balance in our lives.
Like in my case, I feel I should have learnt a bit more about perspective and big picture and not let every little 'up' and 'down' swing me one way or the other so drastically. I still think it is right to aspire for a 100, but maybe have a better understanding of what '100' means to me rather than to absolutely everyone around me.
In fact, thinking about it now, considering I am in the business of minimizing error (Control systems), theoretically I know exactly what I should be doing. Decrease sensitivity towards noise, learn from previous mistake (feedback) and concentrate on getting to set point as fast as possible. How I translate that in real life is of course the real problem to solve!
