Friday, April 24, 2015

Not so happily ever after

Sometimes I think I have learnt and gained a lot from all the mistakes or failures that I have made/had in life.

I have in the past written extensively on the importance of making mistakes, but I guess somewhere in that writing a true belief and understanding was missing. I don't know if I am any better off now, but I would like to add a few more thoughts to the topic.

Let me start with looking at the exact opposite experience to a failure - an achievement.  Personally for me, achievements  have been of two kinds
1. Got something by chance, without really working for it.
2. Worked super hard, pined for it day and night and then achieved it.

The first kind makes me feel gleeful whenever I think about them. It feels like cheating almost, or a happy coincidence and I have always considered myself lucky. But that's about it. There is no more depth to the feeling than that.

The second kind has mostly always left me feeling empty in the end. The struggle being the most exhilarating experience, once it is over, there is always a deep sense of nothingness that I feel in the end. And for some reason, every such achievement has only just made me want to go on to the next level. Like if I managed to achieve this much, surely this is nothing. And I want to prove to myself that I can do better.

But failures are different. After the initial shock and feeling sorry for myself is over, it actually makes me think. What went wrong? Did I really want it? How will I go about it next time if at all I do? What did I really want from it?

Now you can tell me that as humans we probably post rationalise our behaviour and emotions, but that according to me is what makes us so very unique. We survive and find alternative plans, all the time. We adapt and learn new things. We change our paths, and discover new ones without actually having planned it early on in life. We find different ways to feel the same way about ourselves, and satisfy our deeper urges in life.  Isn't that cool?

The point of the post is not really to glorify failures and losses in life. They do take a fair share of their toll on our existence as well. But I guess it is a reminder to myself that these experiences which sometimes make me go into very low lows, have a certain place in my life. They are teaching me something about myself,  and I should learn to respect that.

There is perhaps a reason why all interesting stories talk mainly about the struggling phase of the characters and always end at happily ever after.

Are we simply conditioned to struggle? What do you think?

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