Hello stranger!

The first rule of friendship, is to spend quality time with your friend.

Sometimes, when I walk home after a long day's work, this is what I day dream about.

Me in a pair of shorts and tee with a longish loose hanging checked shirt and canvas shoes, a cute sling bag crossed over my shoulder, walking along unknown cobbled streets of a smallish town - not a village - nor a big city - just a small town, good for walking around, but big enough to see people going about their daily lives. Where no one knows me, but people are nice and friendly, so they smile at me once in a while.

Where I am a stranger, but not a tourist. I am curious, not about monuments and museums, but about everyday things. Like the inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and bread from a local bakery. Or a mural painting, casually adorning a building wall.

Of course I carry a book with me, that I occasionally take out and read from, and then spend loads of time looking around reflecting. I also carry my journal, where I note down ideas, sketch cartoons -  perhaps of the bartender, while he is busy serving beer to the locals, in a familiar-lazy manner - just like any small town local bartender would, while talking and fooling around, lending an ear to those who need, and giving an earful to some other.

I feel light and free, and I seem happy. I am travelling light, and I don't seem to care about my destination. I am so integrated with my journey, that it doesn't even seem like one.

In fact, it seems like I am floating through time and space, and my being is as inconsequential as it is meaningful. My struggle to prove myself and my race to find and define myself seems like a distant memory. I look comfortable in my own skin, and I seem to enjoy the moment.

I am fully aware, that this is only a moment, and it will pass - but I don't seem to be in a rush to find out.

Then of course, I reach home at the end of the walk. And the first thing I do, is distract myself.

I pull out my laptop, check facebook, then gmail, then back to facebook (since I have forgotten that I've already checked it a few minutes back, until I see the same shared article, by someone I don't quite remember too well, but I am too lazy to unfriend anyone) and then to youtube (my newest thing is to watch Indian stand-up comedians, and a few lifestyle vloggers, though I am not committed enough to subscribe or like anything.)Then I log on to an online shopping website, but luckily get bored within a few minutes. So next I come up with some 'girly' movies that I haven't seen before - but I am so restless, I cannot even watch the first ten minutes without the need to fast forward. And all this time, I try hard to ignore the small voice inside my head judging me for wasting my life on junk (well some of it is quite creative, but most of it is junk).

And then finally, finally I realise, that whenever I get some time, I just keep running away from myself. And I have to stop doing that.

But, how do I go about reconciling the image of me that I have in my head, to the reality that I have become? All I know is that, there is a gap that needs bridging. A fear, that I need to lose, and some baggage that I need to shed. Though, it's mostly in my head, and that is what makes it so much more tricky. But I know I have to make time for this journey...

... before I forget how to look into the mirror and smile, not for the camera, but for myself.