Quick, I need to capitalise on this flow.
Ride the waves of this perfect rhythm that is propelling me forward. At times like this I always feel like standing with my arms open and accept- wait not even that - possibly challenge myself to stand up and be more than a speck while a drone camera is circling around me and taking the perfect zoom out shot.
Not that there is a problem being a speck. Every speck has a life of its own. Especially when you look at that speck through a magnifying glass and zoom into its delicate, symmetrical fractal self, repeating and asserting itself. Who am I to deny this beauty?
Speaking of beauty, a concept so ephemeral and dynamic, yet we want to put a lock and key on it by defining it through a myopic lens of branded posters. Seriously, how did we even fool ourselves into loving static images of ourselves, when in reality we are such fluid and ever-morphing beings?
Sometimes I end up having these real honest conversations with people who I think don't really understand me. So once when one such person asked when I'd be ready to write my book, I simply told him I will do so, when I find the courage to be openly vulnerable, and that I am not there yet.
And this really is the honest truth. I have known since a while now that the reason I cannot write content that I myself like reading back, is because I have fallen into the habit of hiding behind words. Art is a double edged sword. It can be used to express yourself, but also to create a pretend wall that can hide you from yourself. And there is never a single answer. Some people revel in creating make belief universes, but for me I never felt comfortable with that genre. I know for me to be able to write, I have to allow myself to reveal the truth, the mediocrity, the darkness, the insecurities, and the myriads of not so dramatic anti-climatic relationships that make me what I am today. I have to own my every little nothing, and even if I am not proud of them, at least be accepting of them to be able to create my kind of expression for my kind of audience.
And my favourite audience has always been this electronic void - even today, as I come back to you, without any polish and rather low self confidence as a writer, I still want you to feel what I am feeling, and understand me, as you do yourself.
Ride the waves of this perfect rhythm that is propelling me forward. At times like this I always feel like standing with my arms open and accept- wait not even that - possibly challenge myself to stand up and be more than a speck while a drone camera is circling around me and taking the perfect zoom out shot.
Not that there is a problem being a speck. Every speck has a life of its own. Especially when you look at that speck through a magnifying glass and zoom into its delicate, symmetrical fractal self, repeating and asserting itself. Who am I to deny this beauty?
Speaking of beauty, a concept so ephemeral and dynamic, yet we want to put a lock and key on it by defining it through a myopic lens of branded posters. Seriously, how did we even fool ourselves into loving static images of ourselves, when in reality we are such fluid and ever-morphing beings?
Sometimes I end up having these real honest conversations with people who I think don't really understand me. So once when one such person asked when I'd be ready to write my book, I simply told him I will do so, when I find the courage to be openly vulnerable, and that I am not there yet.
And this really is the honest truth. I have known since a while now that the reason I cannot write content that I myself like reading back, is because I have fallen into the habit of hiding behind words. Art is a double edged sword. It can be used to express yourself, but also to create a pretend wall that can hide you from yourself. And there is never a single answer. Some people revel in creating make belief universes, but for me I never felt comfortable with that genre. I know for me to be able to write, I have to allow myself to reveal the truth, the mediocrity, the darkness, the insecurities, and the myriads of not so dramatic anti-climatic relationships that make me what I am today. I have to own my every little nothing, and even if I am not proud of them, at least be accepting of them to be able to create my kind of expression for my kind of audience.
And my favourite audience has always been this electronic void - even today, as I come back to you, without any polish and rather low self confidence as a writer, I still want you to feel what I am feeling, and understand me, as you do yourself.
That piece is authentic to a fault. Kudos.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you decided to check out my blog randomly :) Thanks for coming by.
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