Actually I never really thought of my writing as dark and depressing, until this person who read my blog for the first time, told me so. I guess in my mind I am mostly a lighter version of dark... Like 70% dark chocolate or an espresso kind of dark - not too happy but definitely not the sad kind... Oh well, it's always interesting to see yourself from someone else's point of view.
Anyway, here I am after my holidays and most importantly the trip to Japan last year. And no it was not holiday, but a work trip, it was only a week and I did feel guilty of getting the chance to go back on my own. But at the same time, I was excited beyond words. Because of the unexpectedness of the trip, I guess I couldn't rationalize in my head the intersection of what I deeply wanted, and the sudden manifestation of it in real life.
I was also very scared of going back, scared that the world I had left behind existed only in my head.
This wasn't true though. And I was happily surprised that our life in Japan was not an illusion but in fact very much real. And I felt the same connect and same strange sense of peace while I was there. Just that this time it was less falling in love, but more of a reassuring steady kind of love. My friend and I even joked about it - 恋じゃなくて普通の愛みたいな感じ。
It also made me realize, that I am the kind of person who can overthink and ruin a perfectly good relationship by constantly questioning it's goodness.
A bit like a night sky. Filled with light from countless stars, and yet you mostly see the darkness.
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