Even on days that I don't believe I am PMSing, slowly and steadily I can feel the coolness of distance.
Living together and being too close definitely takes a toll. Over time, a translucent wall appears, and all we see is an outline of the person on the other side. We rely on memory to make inferences and extrapolate intentions. But we don't bother to confirm. After all, we are no strangers here. There is no need to impress nor confess. We eat, speak and sleep with this grey outline of the other and ignore the occasional ugly head of doubt that shows up unexpectedly, like a blurry dream.
*****
I woke up to what I thought was the moonlit silhouette of a sleeping wtp, only to realise in a moment, that it was 7 a.m. and that it was in fact, a silvery ray of sunlight from our west facing window, that escaped into the otherwise dark room. Winters in England - I thought in my head - for a rather moderate weather place, this country can make you feel quite cold at times. This morning was particularly so.
And I suddenly remembered the dream I had just woken up from.... Are dreams made of what we long for, or are they what we fear the most? Why does something so unreal have the power to unsettle us?
I decided to lie in bed for a few more minutes. With eyes closed, I failed to see the gradation of grey that no doubt transformed the morning.
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